Don’t underestimate the power of 3 cups of freshly ground, freshly percolated organic coffee

He is officially the largest of all the Big Cats still roaming Australasia and his famous bead, ability to change height by the day and Turnaround Jumper are not be underestimated. It is with great honour that we introduce Eddie Macky to you all. Here is a recent letter he sent to Master Mouse Patrol… I hope you find it as brilliant, hilarious and inspiring as we did. Look out for more posts from Mackaveli in the coming months…

Mr. Patrol,

What a pleasant surprise. Its not often we get to spend these late night hours going through the complexities of modern economics and its potential bulls and bears, so long may it continue. I for one feel it’s safe to assume this could go well into the night. At least until the second 20/20 begins. Don’t underestimate the power of 3 cups of freshly ground, freshly percolated organic coffee. From the induction stove system no less. That thing has some torque, may I say. It percolates almost too quickly; I feel as though I’m cheating an atavistic ritual out of its ability to exist outside the sphere of time. For as we know, coffee arrives on a time frame independent of the rest of us, or other breakfast beverages at the very least.

Anyway it is the nature and wisdom of economics that we are here to discuss, neither of which we know all that much about I suspect. Both of which, however, we will come to know in due course. And in this case I think ‘due course’ is a breathtakingly close phenomenon, what with the advent of your professional editorial position and the rise of a media empire sure to follow. At this time we are a couple of weeks away from what will prove to be the beginning of a bountiful adventure; a steepening of the curve I would say. And at 2.14 in the am, in an empty loft in midtown Auckland, things are starting to become quite clear, albeit with slightly frayed edges. Call it the coffee, call it the silky moss Tron and I consumed an hour or so ago; this empire of yours is sure to find its place amongst the leaflets out there posing as magazines. I’m happy to say that I can be a passenger on this powder pink 1976 Cadillac Convertible as it ambles from the west coast of your imagination to the eastern seaboard of success.

It promises to be quite a ride, and not just because it is something you – with the assistance of some very able crones – are creating through the force of your personality. Although that in itself would make a great blurb in some cheesily good novella: “The eastern beaches of Sydney are no place for a 25 year old former art gallery employee to pick up the pieces of a fractured youth. Master Mouse Patrol had seen how the travails of hard living had affected his family. It tore up his relationship with his brother Pat, and drove his best friend to alcoholism and a taste for effeminate clothing. He’d seen it all in his short life, but he never lost touch with his will. Patrol had the will of a steel hammer in the 12^th from Vlad Klitschko, and as he delved deeper and deeper into the magazine subculture of Sydney, he made sure his one gift in this world could provide for his friends what was never afforded to him: a platform for their own success. The more Patrol fought for this platform, the taller the obstacles became, and the quieter Danger crept around every corner. Self-doubt is an inglorious yet frequent bedfellow, while fear of failure is an untimely but prevalent breakfast companion. Would either of these impeach The Master in his quest to form The Empire?” Find out inside. Sounds like a good read.

Klitschko's choice of dog is surprising

I think your conviction speaks volumes, and will deliver success. By bringing the creativity of the crones together and weaving it with your particular brand of mindset… well there’s good chemistry there, let me tell you.

So economics is quite a broadly termed institution, or maybe it’s a concept. It more or less forms the basis of the history of modern man. Markets, supply, demand, behaviour. It’s all there. In a very broad sense. And with that extremely loose definition of economics, let me show you how this parade of yours will change our lives.

The beauty of economics is its allowance for people to pursue different means as they so choose. In doing so, society as a whole evolves around this pursuit of what is quite often self-interest, with casualties on both sides of the bread-line. Politics and religion, many will argue, have a greater way of shaping humanity, but it is how humans behave within markets that sets the tone. There are very few decisions that politicians and (religious) leaders can make, relative to the myriad decisions humans make every day in the pursuit of survival and prosperity. We want our politicians to save us and to provide the answers, but it is how we behave – admittedly within their parameters – that dictates the direction our society travels. I’m clearly trying to channel Adam Smith. He might be pissed off about that.

So with that in mind, your creation of a magazine can be given some perspective. It is not intended as a means to survive, but rather in the pursuit of prosperity. And in this pursuit, we will see some dark times as well as some success, while hopefully distinguishing whether my fundamental and probably somewhat incorrect views on economics relate in any way to those of Dr. Smith. Most importantly, though, we are undertaking a journey to be successful at something to which our collective talents can do justice. As I alluded to before, we are climbing the curve as it steepens.

Back on the couch now. The Paki’s are blowing it. 3 wickets in 5 minutes, from a position of real control. But they are good looking, if nothing else. What mother wouldn’t want their daughter to bring home Shahid Afridi? Windswept hair, a perfect beard and a 37-ball hundred: the total package.

Afridi - loved by both sexes

But before I get lost in the glorious symphony of a live Mars track – my mind is as wavering as… – I want to make sure that you understand that you have my unwavering support (much less fickle than my mind) in this pursuit of success. Putting your eggs into this basket is risky and ballsy, and I respect a man who risks his balls for anything. What the history of economics – ergo the history of society as a functioning entity – has taught us is that in the pursuit of success, failure lurks all around us, but risks sow the seeds for success. By chasing your dream/media empire at great financial and chronological expense, you are sowing the seeds of success for the crones.

My god, the page is starting to flash, red circles on white paper. It is late. A succinct conclusion is required, post haste.

Your pursuit of self-interest is an historically insignificant event. It will be merely a tremor on the Richter scale of the post-Carlos era of planet Earth. Yet at a micro level, I anticipate many of us will make our mark starting right here. This opportunity will allow us to pursue our own self-interests in due course, as mandated by the magazine that goes by your name. And by understanding the nature of economics and how it will ultimately affect the decisions we make, we gain wisdom, through our successes and failures, which may eventually determine whether we have indeed evolved this race of ours.

Simply put, this is a great opportunity for all of us to fulfill potential. I look forward to grasping that chance with you and helping cement what promises to be an empire of stratospheric proportions. And should things take a turn for the worse, and then get really bad, I must stress to be mindful from where you take your inspiration: my last economics mark was 13%.

Good luck and god speed. Look forward to riding shotgun on Patrol.

Grey’s Ave, June 2009