Steam Rooms: death trap or elixir of life?

Up in the north of Europe you will find Scandinavia, and if you look hard enough, Finland. The Finnish are a clever lot. Not only did they give us Steve Prefontaine’s nemesis Lasse Viren, and former Liverpool central defender Sami Hyypia, they are also the world’s chief exponents of steam. Simply put, they harness the power of steam for their own enjoyment. Kudos to that. Think of a shower that you can sit down in, but the water doesn’t get in your eyes and you don’t have to clean yourself. You’ve just thought of a steam room.

Now I know you’re rebuking my claims and asserting that a sauna is preferable. Look, I can’t fault its soothing properties – the smell of heated wood gets me every time – but my building doesn’t have a sauna. It has a steam room. And so very recently I woke to the enjoyment available from a steam, and I’ve been harnessing its power ever since.

Sexy, yet polite

Aside from killing a few hours before the big game or trying to drop a few kilos before an under-15s weigh in, there are obvious qualities on offer: relaxes your muscles, sweats out the evils (this is actually a scientific myth but far be it from me to argue with the commonly held views of the hungover), gives you great steam hair. But there are others too, for example a steam will allow you to solve the ills of the world. When you’re in the stream room you are under immense physical strain from the heat, so when you emerge whatever was said will be a breeze compared to what you just went through. And invariably the conversation will drift onto politics or world peace in a steam. It’s important!

But if you want to take a steam experience to the next level with a tipple, I suggest not. There is evidence (Kenttamies & Karkola, 2008) to suggest that drinking alcohol while steaming will lower blood pressure, thin the blood and cause an angina or give you a stroke or some other horrific ailment that will interrupt your steam. Fortunately the evidence suggests the risk lies with those in their advanced years, but you can never be too careful. I suggest a percolated coffee on the way in, with a second one and a doob on the way out. Instant relief at minimal cost.

Grey’s Ave, August 2009