The Australian Cricketers kick off their much-anticipated (by kiwis) full tour – T20′s, one dayers and tests – of New Zealand this evening. Fresh from destroying the Windies (who didn’t seem to give a fuck) and dishing it to the boys from Pakistan (whose uniforms were identical to the Aussies), Ricky Ponting’s men have so far gone through their summer undefeated. So naturally they will be 100% certain the sheep-shaggers from across the ditch have no chance at stopping them. I on the other hand believe the kiwi boys have every chance of taking the five match one day series (I refuse to comment on the T20′s and Tests).
Here’s my five reasons why…
1. Lack of Crowds. Playing in front of 50,000 screaming convicts would be enough for any sportsmen to play to their optimum level. So no wonder the Aussies have been so impressive this summer thus far. Leaving the fever pitch of ‘The G’ or Sydney’s mighty SCG for 1-5,000 kiwi cricket purists in the likes of Napier and Hamilton will not help the Strayans. With a lack of attention on his pretty blond hair, Shane Watson will struggle to keep his remarkable form in tact.
2. The weather. It’s been fuckin hot in Straya the past month, and even though New Zealanders will say its been sizzling on their side of the Tasman, you can be sure a nice chilly 15 deg day will remind the Aussies of the depressing days spent in the UK in ’05 and ’09. Ponting and Clarke are most likely to be affected by this.
3. Shane Bond. Even if Bondy can’t repeat his heroics of (insert any one of a number of remarkable performances against Aussie) again, a below par Bond is still a mighty handful for any batsman. The injury plagued Windies and erratic Pakis failed to keep pressure on the Aussie top seven. Bondy and NZ’s main man Danny Vrrrrr will ensure 20 overs per match of the highest quality bowling. Expect mid-order collapses to be a common theme for the tourists. Magic Mitch wont be able to save them in the lower order – he’s shit with both bat and ball. Time will prove this to be true.
4. Bernie Baz Brendie Brendon McCullum. I am picking McCullum to fire purely because I want him to. His aggressive demeanour and “we’re not here for a haircut” attitude with the Aussies make him one of me faves. With no Ryder in the mix its up to this Otago Nugget to shine for the men in black. He will. And if he doesn’t, at least he will do NZ proud by showing the world he is sexier than his vomit-inducing opposite Brad Haddin.
5. It’s more than a feeling. When Boston released this single (below) in 1976 they never knew it would be relevant to this article some 34 years later, but it is. It may be because this song is stuck in my head since I saw a mate post it on facebook, or that I am in fact losing my mind, or that I believe in the Black Caps more than the All Blacks, or that I truly believe the kiwis finally have enough quality batsmen to be the number one one day team in the world, or that all the Chappell-Hadlee series have been incredibly close, but I feel a NZ series victory in my bones. If it turns out that I am horribly wrong, please feed me with abusive emails, but until then I will live off my incredible prediction of Ponting scoring 150 exactly in the first Ashes test last year as reason to have some hope of this prediction coming true.
Let the banter begin! Surely this year even without Ryder!
Bring it on!! The summer series everyone has been waiting for…
The Black caps on a home ground in NZ are as dangerous as the bowling trio of Sam W / Benny C & Eddie M with ball in hand, anything can happen and will happen. Never count the Black Caps out!!!
Both Crowds for the T20 were over 20,000, abusing, screaming and chanting obscenities towards to Aussies. “Watsons a wanker” the all time favorite. McLean Park will be near sold out and Eden Park almost is (half of it anyway) so rather than the lack of atmosphere to put Ricky and his pricks off, expect a hostile reception to inspire the Black Caps to a memorable series victory….. Go the Claps!