I went to university with a guy who loves a rumour. And we all do; even though we pretend to skirt these disparaging stories and get off at the High Road exit. We kinda like to hear them just for interest’s sake. He’d lead into a story by saying “I love a good rumour, BUT this one is a true story, honestly.” At this point a red flag was signaled and all bets were off. But you still listen intently. Because you just never know.
Since I possess a knowledge and passion for sport that surpasses any other skill I have in life, the sportsman’s rumour is a favourite of mine. It involves famous people, probably a devious sex act – or at the very least, some alcohol/drug abuse – and the potential to see just how stupid you could have been, had you stayed the course and become a professional sportsman.
The beauty of the sportsman’s rumour lies in its efficiency and high turnover. When a sportsman’s rumour gathers steam you often assume something along the lines of the smoke/fire corollary. And if, by chance, the rumour turns out to be false – not an uncommon likelihood – there is always another one around the corner.
Not even halfway through 2010, we have heard many, many excellent sporting rumours. Some of them are once in a generation types. We can count Tiger Woods into this one, even though his cover was blown at Thanksgiving Dinner last year, because he went underground for so long and the rumours were able to swirl and circulate long into the new decade. And he didn’t exactly put it to bed, did he? To this day, does anyone know what happened at the Woods compound that night? Rumours abound.
Aside from Tiger’s antics, which were great rumours but certainly not the best, we’ve been treated to some startling theories and stories which do much to spice up the life of a male aged between 18 and 29 who attended an all boy’s high school in NZ or Australia. For example, there was the rumour that Michael Clarke broke up with Lara Bingle because she was cuddling up to Benji Marshall on the side and not because of the damaging photos of her naked in the shower from former guy-who-used-to-slay-her Brendon Fevola (Grade A sports whore right there); there was the one where Steven Gerrard allegedly impregnated a 17 year old girl earlier in the season; while plenty of space was given to the rumour that had Gilbert Arenas bringing guns to his locker room, until these rumours turned out to be true and he completely took the heat off Tiger Woods for about 5 minutes.
Closer to home, we’ll always remember the Daryl Tuffey milkshake scandal and how it toppled the career of one of the great first over bowlers in the world (check the stats). Again, the rumour turned out to be true which vindicates the interest in the end. For years there were rumours swirling about Andrew Johns. On good advice from 102 Queen Street in North Dunedin, Johns’ knee injury circa 2004-5 was actually a cover for his cocaine addiction. Well played lads. Then there was all the chatter in the AFL with Ben Cousins and his love of the bulb, proving that AFL footballers are fucking trash.
All these are pretty trivial however, when compared to a rumour that surfaced this week in NBA circles. I’m not saying this happened, but like my friend, I love a good rumour. Having just been knocked out of the second round of the playoffs, the Cleveland Cavaliers, led by LeBron James – the anointed one – fell short of their status as being the best team in the league. Again. With the series locked at 2 games each with game 5 in Cleveland, the Cav’s got walloped, suffering their largest ever playoff defeat. Their star, James, played passively and within himself less than a week after dishing up one of his best games of the season, as his boy Jay-Z looked on in Boston. They went on to lose game 6 and the series, but both the Cav’s and James looked a whole different animal from game 4 to game 5. So what happened?
Rumour has it that that his team mate and renowned head case Delonte West was sleeping with LeBrons moms (not several mothers, just imagine how they say it on The Wire). And he found out before game 5. Which explains why in the last 2 games of the series, LeBron looked like he didn’t really want to be there. Nevertheless, it’s just a rumour, but the repercussions would be felt severely by the Cleveland franchise were it to be true. Having not won a title in any competition since the 60’s, the state of Ohio was relying on local boy James to steer Cleveland to the Promised Land. Oh and his contract is up so he’s free to sign wherever he wants now.
Now LeBron’s performance could be put down to his injured elbow, or the fact that Boston is legit. But whatever you have to say about rumours, true or false, they entertain. And that is why you are here. So feel free to perpetuate this rumour and check out the beautiful city of Cleveland which you have cursed by doing so. You won’t feel so bad now.
Mackaveli
