Upon arriving solo to meet my friend at the Absinthe Salon last night, I wondered whether or not it was open. My next thought as I peered through the barred windows was ‘surely it’s a fire hazard to have candles lit unattended’. I tentatively shook the security gate. It was definitely locked. I wandered down the side street where I estimated the back room to be. There were people-like shadows in the window – fuck I hate exclusive bars. Yeah I get it, keep the rif raf out – but seriously, it’s wanky.
(Imagine this, but at nighttime)
Friend arrived, and we wandered hopelessly up and down the street for a couple of minutes, pondering our next move. She came up with the smart idea to ring the doorbell! Genius. We were ushered in by a cute (I’m going to take a stab here – Dutch) man. I immediately felt guilty for thinking that it was an exclusive bar – it’s more of a completely personalised service. The first thing you notice is a massive blow of aniseed to your olfactory senses. The second is that you feel like you are in a goth French castle. We were ushered through to a room that would cater to about 30 and sat down at our table complete with a special absinthe fountain. We were handed a menu with 18 different absinthes (is that a word?) on it. EIGHTEEN.
Fortunately ‘Joop’ came over and explained them to us and gave us an absinthe 101 – (which in my anticipation I can’t remember). Basically it involves aniseed, fennel, a fuckload of alcohol and wormwood (that’s the hallucinogen). He stops us in our tracks:
“The Green Fairy is essentially a myth. The alcohol will cancel out the effects of the wormwood before it takes hold”
“But, didn’t absinthe make Van Gough go insane?” I ask, slightly desperately.
“No Van Gough drank turpentine. That’s what made him mental”
“oh.” (defeated)
So then to the selection: I chose, as I always do, on aesthetics. The bottle was a bright blue colour like pure aqua and the name of the absinthe: clandestine tickled my fancy. My friend selected a slightly lesser alcoholic percentage than me. Oh god, if only I had the foresight to not try be tough – “I went to uni at Otago, I’m all over this. 74% is nothing”.
Joop pours a fairly large swig into our glasses and I almost gag from the smell. I truly thought I liked absinthe before. But this smell took me back to a place I’d care to forget – my 18th birthday with 18 Opal Nera shots. I think that my saving grace is going to be this massive lump of sugar put onto an absinthe spoon which ice cold water from the absinthe fountain is dripped through (absinthe has essential oils, which are only unlocked through the mixing of icy water a process whereby you can see absinthe “louche”, we are told.)
A cloud rises in our glasses – and Joop explains that when absinthe was coloured green back in the day – that this is what the crazies believed to be the green fairy. He tells us that there is a maximum of three drinks per session and that word on the street is that people are being asked – “have you gone to level three yet?” At this stage I think I can do at least 2.5.
He waits for us to take our first sip and I tell you, it’s like making a speech at school assembly. He was practically bouncing in nerves, hoping we would love it. God, I tried to keep my face impartial but it was like drinking methylated spirits mixed with 100 black jellybeans (the worst kind). I stumble out that is not as sweet as I was thinking it was going to be. Joop comes back with corn-syrup which is apparently great at sweetening it up (I wanted to plop another sugar cube into the bottom). I surreptitiously drip more water into my glass whilst he’s not looking. My friend is already halfway through hers! I taste hers and it’s about a billion times nicer. She muses that perhaps I shouldn’t have gone in so cockily. After a while, I feel nice and warm. We are cracking up at everything we are talking about, and we find ourselves pretending to listen to each other while we stare at the patterned wallpaper. Then something starts going horribly wrong. I feel REALLY WEIRD. Like I have sucked down on one too many buckets. Claustrophobia sets in, and the quaint french castle turns into looking like a dungeon. Friend starts to feel the same, and we make a hasty exit, tail between our legs – no where near the elusive “3rd level”.
You can visit the Absinthe Salon at 48 Albion St, Surry Hills, NSW, Austraya.
Very good Miss Dilemma! I wish I had gone, just to get competitive with it!
What a great story – takes me back to the 70′s when Absinthe sort of went under different names!!!
They have absinthe fountains and quite a large selection of absinthe choices at Madam Brussells in Melbourne aswell, made even better by the fact that all the staff members are dressed in tennis whites and they serve, cupcakes and club sandwiches.
My favourite part is that they sell 3L jugs of super strong punch. Its like being back in a Dunedin flat, but with glass instead of plastic cups.