Boyfriends are great. Many women have one. Many men have one. Many men and women have many. They all serve a purpose, and the range of that purpose can be extremely wide. Some, like Costanza, get into all manner of problems on becoming The Boyfriend. While others… well, here’s another Costanza clip because that’s all anybody wants to see, right?
You back? Good. Many of you have been a boyfriend in your time. The rest of the time you probably spend an unhealthy amount of time trying to be one. Or at least that’s what you tell her when it’s after midnight at Provedor on a school night. Anyway, because of this you’ll know how frustrating it can be when a girl plays the boyfriend card. As in, “yeah I love watching the footy. My boyfriend still plays even though he dislocated his shoulder in a surfing accident”.
The problem with the boyfriend card is the timing. Generally you won’t care that it gets played. More often than not you collect your thoughts within a few moments and it’s like nothing ever happened. Although interest levels tend to fade quite sharply. It’s when the boyfriend card gets played unnecessarily, so early in the convo. Having barely said 3 words, you’re being told about The Boyfriend, as if you look like this and smell like this. (When all you really want to do is be this guy). This aggressive form of defence is about as successful as Brendan McCullum opening the batting. Every so often it works, but it could have been equally successful if the aggression had been delayed until a more appropriate time. And you wouldn’t come off looking like a twat.
At the other end of the spectrum is the late Boyfriend Card. It’s not unlike playing a game of Arsehole. You’ve been dealt a good hand, you’re timing it well and just as you throw down the gauntlet and are left with your final card – merely a formality – she drops in three 2’s and a joker. Essentially the equivalent of The Boyfriend card. The late card is particularly galling because it’s after having been lured into a false sense of comfort. It’s not as though she’s been flirting all night, but the mere fact that she’ll go out of her way to not let you know until the eleventh hour speaks of a cruel streak, or a distinct lack of timing.
All of this makes me wonder why women hold idols like Rihanna et al in such high regard. Aspire to Elaine Benes and all your problems will be solved. And you’ll have impeccable timing!
Apart from the distinct lack of interest (mentioned above) that comes once the Boyfriend card is played, is there anything us guys can do to combat this powerful weapon?
Question relating to this, do guys notice, wedding rings, engagement rings etc?? OR do you still have to play the husband/fiance card?
P.S from a girls point of view getting your timing right sucks, too early and your up yourself, too late and your a bitch or incredibly unaware that the dude talking to you was hitting on you in the first place.
Guys definitely look at the ring finger.. well, perverts like me do anyway. Immediately.
SBW – a good friend of mine, and yours (Sleazy B) once gave me advice on how to combat the boyfriend card.. the response was a lighthearted and joking… “well, now you can have two boyfriends… one that will pick you up from work, listen to your problems, take out the trash… and one that you’re attracted to!” I think if she laughed that was his cue to go in for the kill??
yea sleazy B, what a guy.
Hahahaha amazing work from Sleazy B