Say what you will about this film, it’s the Oceans 11 of sociopath movies.

It should be potent material but instead it’s a muddled cluster fuck for Hollywood A-listers. You know the deal – make an edgy movie, get more credibility as an actor, maybe even an academy award to put next to the 20 million you made for your last popcorn chewer.

It’s not the first time Winterbottom has fallen into this trap – he was Euro Director for hire on Angela Jolie’s awful self produced vanity project ‘A Mighty Heart’.

The biggest problem is Jessica Alba. She’s just not believable as a small town hooker, even less so as someone that could willingly take (and sustain) an intense violent beating. She is a cutesy mall rat. She did naughty in Sin City, but that was an exaggerated graphic world. The cornerstone of the movie is the dynamic between her and Affleck and things fall over with her miscasting.

In the first scene of the film we see Affleck arrive at her door, ostensibly to run her out of town for prostitution. Soon he is savagely beating her (perfectly gym toned) ass with his belt. We are not talking about a little spanking here, it’s a full on beating. But surprise! She likes it! She’s in love with him! They are now having steamy sex. But hang on, why?

Handling the transitions and mixed emotional beats of a scene like this is sensitive stuff. If you are Sam Peckinpah and the film is Strawdogs then it’s powerful cinema. Winterbottom is no Peckinpah and this film is not Strawdogs.

I wished someone from the previous night’s screening of The Room was there to yell out “It’s because you’re a woman! It’s because you’re a whore!” each time the movie tripped and fell face first into misogyny.

It’s a shame because Casey Affleck’s performance was solid enough, and Bill Pullman seemed like he was having a good time, but by the time he came on the film had lost me completely.

If a Director wants me to watch a lengthy scene in which a woman’s face is beaten to a bloody pulp they better make sure they know what they are doing. Winterbottom has strayed a bit here, he’s a prolific director, but not quite brilliant enough to make it worth sitting through the prolonged graphic violence.

I hope his next movie has Steve Coogan in it.

The chief economist of HSBC bank Stephen King recently raised the question in a book of what will happen when the world’s poor become rich. The answer is obviously great news for the world’s poor, but a mixture of pros and cons for people currently living in the rich world. He believes the West’s relative power and wealth will decline, as a share of the global pie. But depending on what Westerners’ decide to do about it, their absolute wealth – money in the hand – will either decrease or increase. The book is called “Losing Control: The Emerging Threat to Western Prosperity.”

It basically accepts that the West is decreasing its proportion of global dominance to emerging nations like China and Brazil (the ‘West’ generally means rich countries). Due to fundamental economics, the book sees this growth of emerging countries and their people’s wealth as inevitable. They have cheaper workers so many manufacturing and outsourcing jobs are being moved there. They also have a lot of consumers, so multinational companies are investing heavily to get their piece of the action.

What King discusses is what this all means for people living in the rich world. Positively speaking, it means there will be a lot more consumers for exporters to sell their products to. And that export wealth trickles through to the rest of society in spending, employment and growth. Indeed, one only needs to look at the strong economies of Germany and Australia to see how they are defeating the doom and gloom of recession by exporting to places like China.

From a humanitarian point of view, there will be less need for aid assistance as countries get better at looking after themselves. And ideally it will also mean less terrorist attacks on westerners at home or abroad, as poverty and injustice – the main drivers of extremism – gradually decrease with prosperity. But there are also the downsides. And this is what King concentrates on most.

In a world of limited resources, the West, with its attractive markets, has for a long time had buying dominance over most of them. Now companies from the BRIC countries – Brazil, Russia, India and China – and others will have considerably more buying power, meaning Westerners will have to learn to share. This sharing will also mean higher prices for items like agricultural products and energy fuels – otherwise known as raw materials and commodities. The world got a feel for what higher food and oil prices can look like in 2008, just before the recession kicked in. The only way to stop this price hike will be for people to grow more food and produce more energy. But whether the planet’s supply can keep up with demand is the trillion-dollar question. The way King sees it, the West can choose to go two ways in response.

The first, and desirable way, is to accept that the changes are inevitable with globalisation, and try to modify their economies. Concentrate less on manufacturing and more on highly skilled industries or some other competitive advantage. This will require a bit of short-term pain as people lose their jobs and perhaps have to begin new careers. But in the long run it will whittle out the uncompetitive businesses, and replace them with more sustainable industries whose jobs can’t be lost to China or India.

But the second, and very undesirable way, is what King is worried about. This is when Westerners continue to suffer from low unemployment, and their standard of living drops. As a result, insecure voters take their anger out on politicians, who are then forced to look for short-term solutions to keep their positions. One of those solutions will be protectionism – when politicians pass laws making goods produced overseas less competitive in an effort to boost production at home. Such a move could be very destructive. For example, if America did this to protect its factory workers, China or Europe would retaliate with their own protectionist rules. US exporters would then struggle with sales and have to lay off staff. Meanwhile, consumers would find that many of the cheaper products they used to buy are no longer available or more expensive. The quest for a short-term solution over job losses would quickly result in a dangerous downward spiral in world trade.

This is what King is afraid of. He says the West should “age gracefully” (meaning accept the changes) and not fall into the protectionist trap that would harm everybody. He says the issue is currently simmering below the surface, waiting for the debate to take place. When it does, the hope is that short-term insecurity doesn’t get in the way of long-term prosperity.

By The Casual Truth – http://www.thecasualtruth.com/

We all like to dream… and I believe it’s healthy to do so. I’ve let dreams drive my entire life. Let’s go back a couple of years and have a look into my subconscious;

I want to marry Alicia Keys. She can sing to me romantically while I cook her and the kids dinner. Perfect. How do I do this? I need to get her one on one, and then she’ll be wooed by my incredible charm. Perhaps an interview scenario would be good… How on earth will I get a job as an interviewer? I need my own publication.

Voilà, Master Mouse Patrol was born. The fact that I missed that boat as Miss Keys in now married with a bub on the way is saddening yes, but at least that ridiculous dream inspired me to get off my fat arse and have a crack at something.

For most* people their dreams, or more specifically – dream job – involves working on something exciting, with cool people, whilst achieving things you know you could if you could JUST get that one opportunity. Well now one of those opportunities has been created for you…

Job Title: Rhythm and Vines Protégé

Description: “This is your chance to rub shoulders with some of the music greats, go VIP and get paid for it.”

How to get it: Make a cool video, woo some peeps in an interview and… that’s it!!!!! Crack open the champagne and begin your climb to the top! Now THAT’S an opportunity of a lifetime!

Bonuses: The winner will receive $3000 in Amazon clothing, Panasonic equipment, and three-day R&V passes, onsite camping, VIP passes and backstage access for them and five friends. The top 10 semi-finalists will get a trip to Auckland to meet the team and undertake an in depth job interview, and of course a three-day R&V pass. While the top three finalists will get to attend and work on R&V 2010 with tickets, flights and accommodation all covered by R&V.

Closing Date: September 30th 2010.

To enter this amazing competition or for more info click HERE

*I’m aware that 70% of Western Males would simply describe their dream job as “working with breasts”, but let’s overlook that for the sake of the point above.

This was found in the early West. What is its story? 70s? Perhaps? Biblical? Surely? Hippy christians? Absolutely!

This muddle of pointless arts and crafts come wannabe bungalow slash shitty stucco-ish walls with just as out of place steel window frames… aaarrrrggghhh… fuckin’ pot heads.

Even the healthy poo coloured brown and the picket fence reek of moral superiority which comes with massive entitlement yet a willingness to slum it with the “ethnic diversity”. What a bunch of bullshit, this isn’t the architecture of change, this isn’t the house of civil rights and equality. This is the kind of confused shanty that equates to a lot of sandal wearing, heavy knit woolen jersey owning opinionated supposedly intellectual types. Who’s own self satisfaction is only beaten by their obliviousness and ignorance that is built on rampant jealousy and inability to communicate outside of their group of cohorts who all agree with each other. Making them as bigoted as they ones they pretend to defy.

As for this Eastern suburban nightmare. At least this has a factor of “cheese” that those overly serious onanistic hippies can’t appreciate. But what make me laugh is its campness, look at that staircase for god’s sake! How do you walk down it without a Grace Kelly styled musical number? I’ll tell you how, by virtue of the other more overbearing element of this house which is old New Zealand. This traditional “brick igloo duplex” as I like to call it has all the hallmarks of a sensibility long since lost. Like any sensibilities stuck in yesteryear it is now jaded and repressed fueling fear and hatred. It looks like the house you would place in the back of a painting called “New Zealand Gothic”.

These houses which litter Auckland look like miniature cast made castles. I mean if you are going to have that staircase why not have a moat! They remind me of small tactical structures built for defense. So what the fuck does one needed to be protect from in the Eastern Suburbs… the great wave of change, which has long since lost its impetus or individuality. But still there are plans to put a couple of semi-automatic machine gun turrets on the front lawn of this property so that these cuddled and blinkered zealots can defend their opinions. They can continue to convince themselves that they are the luckiest and most evolved people in the world and that New Zealand is a paradise built on the moral high ground of all that is green and good.  They are aggressive and cornered these people, they watch the news without realising their entire life has been caught up in one great sales pitch which is quickly deteriorating into nothing, and then what the fuck was it all about anyway? Not them… and that is the scariest thing for them.

FLW

This guy… you know him?

When he is not starring it up with Horatio Caruso on CSI:Miami…

I usually recognise him as the man with the moustache…

He is a hard man, in the cast of a Southern man that can’t be bent, yet he’s a swinger… not in a sexual way, or maybe he is, I don’t really know. What I mean is he can be a good guy or a bad guy or a good guy who plays against the anti-hero or a bad guy who helps the good guys, but basically he needs a good guy bad guy situation.

He is a straight up and down kind of guy so I thought it best to give his films some categories:

Cowboy/Period:

My Hero’s Have Always Been Cowboys
Wyatt Earp – where a moustache comes in handy.
Appaloosa – where even Viggo had a moustache.
Ironwill – with Ethan , who still can’t grow a decent moustache.
Ghosts of Mississippi

As a Cop and/or FBI agent:

Thunderheart
American Gun
Breakdown
Clear and Present Danger
Rush Hour
Instinct
The Salton Sea
After the Sunset

Bad Comedies:

Cheaper by the Dozen – shame on you Steve Martin, oh yeah, it’s Steve Martin.

Bad Action Films:

Cliffhanger – Yet it was one of Stallone’s finest dramatic performances.
Sniper – A great Berenger film if you needed one.

Good(ish) Action Films:

Independence Day – come on it’s got Goldblum.
The Long Kiss Goodnight – Samuel L Genius

Costner Films:

Tin Cup – Hot Old Costner
Postman – Not Hot Older Costner

So who is this oddly shaped melon?

He even smiles… sort of…

And he loves his longhorns!

So who is this masculine, man man???

And why is he giving it the devils horns?

Because he is…

Big REX LINN!!!! And he looks great!

The has been one of those buzz ingredients kicking around the traps for quite some time now, both as a food and as a key contributor to many a skincare formulation. I throw a handful of the sharp-tasting little guys on my granola every morning, and their use always points to good things. In addition to possessing many health benefits due to its exceptional concentration of antioxidants, vitamins, and essential fatty acids, the Açaí Berry also offers significant skincare benefits.  This super antioxidant is shown to help neutralise oxidative stress and protect skin against signs of sun damage.  In addition, it is known to reduce fine lines and wrinkles, even skin tone, increase luminosity and renew skin vitality.

The latest name to harness the berry’s incredible properties is Kiehl’s, who have just released the Açaí Damage-Repairing Skincare collection, which is proudly 100 per cent natural and Ecocert Certified Organic. It’s a four product collection of highly-efficacious skincare clinically proven to help combat environmental aggressors and stimulate skin’s natural renewal process to improve and maintain the look of healthy, glowing skin. The clever people at Kiehl’s developed this breakthrough formula utilising a high concentration of super-antioxidant Organic Açaí Berry from the Brazilian Amazon, in combination with Aloe Vera, Lavender and Rosemary Essential Oils to help skin repair the visible effects of both physical and environmental damage.

The line up includes Açaí Damage-Minimizing Cleanser, Açaí Damage-Protecting Toning Mist, Açaí Damage-Repairing Serum, and Açaí Damage-Correcting Moisturizer. The ultra-concentrated Açaí Damage-Repairing Serum contains 10 per cent extract of Açaí berry, an unusually high level of antioxidant protection that with daily use helps to restore skin’s tone, texture, and tightness due to environmental oxidation, sun exposure and other external skin stressors.

What really impressed me was the fact that all four products within the Acai-Damage Repairing Skincare line are certified as an organic product by Ecocert, the French organic and natural certification company which specialises in the certification of personal care products and cosmetics. An Ecocert International Certification guarantees that a product is made with a required minimum level of natural or organic ingredients, and they are super strict when it comes to their testing process. Equally cool is the fact that this collection is the first facial skincare collection in the beauty industry to achieve Cradle to Cradle certification, at the gold level for the formula, a distinction that ensures all four products in the collection have been formulated for minimal environmental impact and maximum reuse, thus creating an “eco-effective” product.  Eco-effective design means that after a product’s useful life, it will provide nourishment for something new. How cool is that?

Check more of my ranting and raving out at www.mshelene.com – Go on!

Ben Cousins and Shane Bloor… cousins or brothers, take your pick
Sam Uffindell (The Fern, AU)

One day Ben Cousins will look like John Campbell… (Sam Goddard, Sydney)

Worthington and Cousins – identical (Sam Goddard, Sydney)

Born to ride: Wayne and Wildman (Lee Van Cleef, Somerville, NJ)

Same same but different (Anonymous, Auckland)

I’m dating an alien (Steph Marsh, Paddo)

I vividly remember the first time I had a BurgerFuel burger. It was on a weekend trip to “Dorkland” to stay with my pals from school. Fittingly (seeing I lived in Hamilton aka ‘The bogan capital of the world’) I chose the Ford Freakout. Fricken delicious! A big sexy meat patty held in my hands by this wonderful creation called a ‘Doofer’. I was amazed.

Jump to the present day – some ten years and many burgers later -  I was surprised and thrilled to receive the following email… “So three BurgerFuel marketers were out for lunch one day and came across your delish magazine… We loved it so much that we want to share it with the BurgerFuel world. What are the chances of getting copies of the magazine to distribute to our NZ & Aus stores??”. The chances were high, and come Edition Two of MMP this October our magazine will be found in all of BurgerFuel’s stores in NZ and Aus. Reason to celebrate? I think so! Let’s eat!!

The fine peeps at BurgerFuel have given us 10 burgers to give away to you sexos. Email feedback@mastermousepatrol.com stating why you love BurgerFuel and Master Mouse Patrol (include your name and address). The best 10 will get the burgers. We’ll announce winners on Facebook next week. Yay!!

This may be a bit anti You should Be Into This, but so be it. This month you should be into not being into the real lives of people you admire. By this I mean enjoy their art, their words, their buildings, their feats, but leave it there. I know its hard, I know you want to get a grip on how they did “it” or why they did “that” but I implore you to enjoy them for their output alone and realise the rest is not important. There is nothing worse than enjoying a book and finding out the author was an unconfirmed paedo, or loving a song to find out the singer hadn’t lived it and stole the idea from a sitcom, or admire a man’s abilities only to hear he is whore of biblical proportions.

Forget it, it isn’t important! What is important is what they do, the people we admire do not need to be rung through the faux moral pinnacle that the America demands of its famed few, furthermore, nor do our heroes need to be God awful repellent individuals with our attentions fixed on their folly. It is widely regarded that architects are disastrous like a wrecking ball in love, or artists are petty and unreliable, or writers are odd, or sports people are sleazy and stupid, but there are exceptions and what’s more there is no reason to find out.

I’m as interested in a great biography as the next guy/boy but the key here is not to get bogged down on the national enquire side of life. Everyone is fallible, from me to Barrack Obama to John Ruskin to Tiger Woods to you, and there is some distance in all of that. But let us be into the parts of these rough gems that make us feel good for one reason or other, rather than focusing on the parts of their life perhaps better off left at home. No one is as good a role model as we want them to be, but all of them have their special services fit for our consumption.

ITEM: Nipple Badge

Oh what you didn’t think you needed one? Really are you white and black? Basically, the nipple badge racialises and identifies, it barcodes the spokesperson of your breast. The categories are variously appealing given the excitement different tastes have on people, they range from “Raspberry Ripple” to ” Sticky Toffee Pie” to “Sherbert Dip” to “Chocolate Tart”. Which are you or what are you into? Pick yourself up a third nipple, if you don’t already have at WORLDman in Auckland or Third Drawer Down in Melbourne!

MUSIC: Car Radio

I have a car, it’s a bit shit, we’ll actually it’s quite a lot shit, but I’m proud of its efforts and its ability to baton down the hatches and continue onto the inevitable. One of its many charms is the way it has persuaded me to listen to the radio, its persuasion is by way of elimination, given that there is only a tape deck which I have had no ability to use since the mid-nineties. So there I am listening to the tunes that someone else decides for me and sometimes it is great and then sometimes you notice alarming trends. Like for instance how the presenters on Solid Gold are blindly racist and fascist, and quite irrevocably out of sync with the great music they are playing. But perhaps the interesting trend I have enjoyed, in a guilty pleasure kind of way, is how generic rock’n'roll stations have retro-graded back to indulge in some of the 90′s best, or worst, sounds. Who knew that I had such a keen memory for hits of the “Stone Temple Pilots” or “Everclear”, I’m Jesus, I’m just so much more up my own ass now to admit these old haunts. There are a whole host of beats that I can’t even remember to name yet I belt them out. The quintessential track that brokered this realisation in my was, in think, called “Hunger” by a band made up of “Pearl Jam” and “Soundgarden” members (not the only cross over the bands enjoyed, given they have shared a drummer), but an early Chris Cornell and an early Eddie Vedder on the same track brought out my seminal moments and took me back to a time just slightly after my car was built.

BOOK: Sagmeister

Do you know him? Are you already into him? Design guru Stefan Sagmeister has been viciously described as a genius, maniac, tactician and exhibitionist. I regard him as all these things. I have his more recent publication which warrants any admirer of books in general to stand dumbfounded with its switchable cover. BUt recently I got my hands on his book “Sagmeister: Made you look” which acts as a definitive volume of his work which is best known by his Grammy-nominated CD covers. Beyond his fame, he is essentially an someone who experiments and as much as this book outlines finished works it also gives what could be described as backstage footage, where it shows, trials, errors and methods.

If you don’t know Sagmeister, get introduced, because even you aren’t into him he’ll ask you some pretty interesting questions, like “Does self-mutilation (for a band poster) scar?”.

FILM: Greenburg

A few years ago there was a film called “The Squid and the Whale” by Noah Baumbach. It was genius, slightly in the vein of Wes Anderson, jus at as a point to give you reference, however much less stylised I guess heading a bit towards PT Anderson, but Baumbach is truly his own, with his own quirks and eccentricities. Greenburg stars, in the title role, a skinny, neurotic and surprisingly brilliant Ben Stiller in a role outside of what he is know for but it was pitch perfect casting. It is a smart and amusing film that draws you in slowly as it examines middle class angst and the subtle and obvious differences between L.A. And NYC. Greenburg is a seeming failed person with a myriad of social and personal problems, and his character is pitted against a warm and intriguing female whose charms are abundant bit again is a lost soul in a busy world, both of which slowly but surely reveal themselves honestly and realistically.

This movie won’t change your life but it will delight if you give it the chance which it is thoroughly due.